For someone my age, despite being a lifelong church-goer, I'd imagine I've heard the 'Jesus uses tax-collectors and fishermen' sermon a peculiarly large number of times. In a typical progression the speaker first elaborates on God's biblical fascination with the underdog and then emphasises the potential of the outcast, the power of the broken and the extraordinary use of sub-ordinary men. It's a pretty solid pick-me-up message for Christians with a turbulent past, but I've always felt a little lost in the midst of it. Lacking a defined calamity of my own, I've thought in the past that my life might be set aside in God's ho-hum, the-healthy-don't need-a-doctor pile. However, I am excited to report that the Lord's hoo-hum pile turns out to be more amazing than anything I could have dreamed or expected.

All that is not to say that my life has been perfect. When I was in kindergarten I developed severe anxiety disorder and an extreme phobia of rain and wind. A lot of my childhood memories involve numb-handed, heart racing panic. I remember pleading to God to let me die when I was six, so that I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. Luckily for me, I am blessed to have parents that never gave up and loved me with grace. They have taught me to persevere. Even in the ten (or so) years that I struggled with anxiety and sometimes depression, I knew that God was with me. In fact, the only time I've ever audibly heard God's voice was as an eight year old. I was walking in the rain one cloudy afternoon. The ever familiar feeling of fear had snuck up on me with the darkening clouds. I can remember the sidewalk square I stood on when I heard a voice from nowhere tell me, "don't be afraid."

HE wasn't in the fire, he wasn't in the quake, but in the whisper...

When I was ten, my recently ordained dad was called to plant a church. We moved, we prayed and my brother and I spent too many late nights playing makeshift games in the church basement. It's been a long journey, but God is working slowly and steadily in our little church, although I can't claim to have always embraced the appropriate enthusiasm. I started going to youth retreats and quickly became a key leader in our inter-church youth group. I've always been inclined to go beyond expectations; in school, in sports and even in planning youth events but for some reason until the last couple of years I decided just to fit a little bit of God into a balanced lifestyle. Since the beginning of high school I knew I wasn't going back, I knew my faith was worth more than anything; but knowing where to go for satisfaction is quite different from taking the time to grow. As my mind grew, however, my musings on purpose grew also, and I began to catch a glimpse of how BIG God is - bigger than Sunday mornings, bigger than youth retreats, bigger than religion, than rules, than purpose.

HE can do ANYTHING!

In about the last year God has rock my world, wrecked my life and taken over. Words used in services and verses from the Word have become feelings - joy, peace, compassion, love. I've taken opportunities to get involved in many ways at church and in my community but specifically, one of the most integral parts of my relationship with God has become my interest in global issues and passion for developing sustainably. Since I was a kid I've wanted to make a difference. At eight, I made and sold eight hundred dollars worth of jewellery to raise money for a local hospital. I heard about a need, and I couldn't stand by. As I've gotten old enough to learn about some challenging, devastating realities in our world my compassion has shifted. At any given time I have some library books stacked in my room about slavery or biodiversity or international development. I co-lead a social justice club at my school and have started bringing ideas into my church community as well. I am inspired by God! How lucky am I to have something I care so much about and be given opportunity to make a difference? He has given me compassion that is not my own and a desire to understand which is fulfilling and wonderful.

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?  -1 John 3:17

I'm sure that I have leaps and bounds of progress to make. My perspectives will change; I'll realize mistakes I didn't know I was making. God will probably confront my vanity, my dreams, things that make sense to me now. But I know that God has a plan to use me and change me; maybe in big things, certainly in everyday, and always, always by His love.